For Pete’s Sake, Stop Eating All That *&^%!

Warning: the following article isn’t necessarily one I’d classify as politically or religiously correct!  If you adhere to strict practices of being either politically correct, religiously correct or both, now would be a good time to close this web page…

Okay, you’re still here, so I’ll proceed…

First, please pardon the divergence from my normal style of writing, but I felt it necessary to abandon style for the sake of getting straight to the point.  That point is simple: eating too much ? can be very bad for you!

So why isn’t it okay to eat ??  Well, maybe a little bit of ? every once in a while doesn’t hurt. But…

• If you eat too much ? too fast, you’ll probably feel like ?.
• If you eat ? for too long, your breath begins to smell like ?.
• Continue to eat that ? and in time, you begin to look like ?.
• At this point, if you continue on eating ?, your body begins to grow and develop internal ? that doesn’t belong there.  That is when things become serious.
• At this point, you feel like ? more often than not.  In addition, your breath smells like ? in ways that teeth brushing, mouth washing, chewing gum, or eating mints do absolutely nothing to fix (at best, they poorly mask the smell of ?).  Before long, you reach the stage where you perpetually look like ?, regardless of how nicely you dress, trim your beard, wear your makeup or style your hair; and you end up at the doctor’s office because the ? that has begun growing internally has become physically too much to bear.
• The doctor either prescribes or injects synthetic ? into your veins to treat the internal ? that developed because at some point in the past, you started, and just could not stop eating ?.
• The result of the synthetic ? your doctor is using to treat your internal ? is a.) you stop feeling the effects of the ? that grew there, all the while, developing a different kind of ? that is a resultant side effect its corresponding TV ad warned you about; or b.) the ? they’re giving you doesn’t fix the original problem and you feel worse.
• You come to a moment of truth where you either realize that you have to completely give up the ? that got you there in the first place, and do a 180 (with the hopes that your mind and body are strong enough to completely recover); or worst case scenario, your spirit can no longer stand to dwell in the house of ? you created with your choices and decides it’s time to “move on” (do I really need to explain what that means)?

So now you’re probably thinking, “Well Gosh, what’s a person to do who wants to enjoy the occasional goodies without ending up in a world of ??”  Well it’s simple… Start by looking at the preceding sentence and find the word “occasional.”  Make a note of that word.  Memorize it.  Apply a proper time interval to the meaning of “occasional” and stick to it.

Now of course, “occasional” means different things to different people, but whatever your “occasional” interval might be, it’s a fairly safe bet to assume that if your preferred “goody” is packaged and loaded with artificial (no, a better word is…) man-made sweeteners, man-made fats and man-made preservatives, chances are, that goody isn’t really all that good… you know… full of ?!  It may be better to go for the snacks that grow on trees or vines, or the ones made using only natural products (or better yet, make your own goodies; just try to avoid making ones using ingredients that are made up of… uhh, I don’t need to say it again, do I)? ?

Have a great week/weekend!

-MT